Some girls dream for decades for that special ring, from the first moment they set eyes on that romantic scene from the typical romcom. Dreamy guy on his knee, takes out that special little box and all the hearts of the romantic dreamers suddenly beat as one, galloping faster and faster to the point of orgasmic inspiration. To our disadvantage our minds now have the perfect scene, with background music and all. That is exactly how it will be! It will be amazing, wonderful, spectacular. Our veins run not with blood but little, tiny microscopic red hearts beating all at once, rejoicing in joy for a ring and the promise behind it.
My ex husband Sean gave me one of those once, but being the practical person he is, he took me shopping for it to a department store. I was 20, he was 26 and we were being helped by an eager sales person who begun explaining to us what the clarity of a diamond meant, hoping his day was made on an Tuesday morning sale. But to the salesperson’s disappointment his explanation about clarity was, well, so clear, that Sean was drawn to a beautiful ring that looked perfect except did not have the clarity of the other more expensive ones. Being that we were not rich and no diamond experts, we loved it. We paid with my credit card, which he reimbursed back by the next week as promised. Suddenly I became a fiancée, two kids decided it was time to take that big step, not having any idea what we were doing. I loved my ring with awe, my friends were impressed, even though none of them would be crazy enough to marry that young, but their sigh at first sight of the ring was genuine. Little hearts ran through their veins, their hearts beating as one if only for a second. The joy of a dream was born, the promise of a happy ending.
Years later when Sean and I divorced that ring came off my finger forever and so did all our dreams, for us and our beautiful daughter the end of an era had arrived. My gorgeous ring went inside a safe. It has stayed there since, not seeing the light of day in quite some time. Except for when upon request I showed it to my daughter and promised it would be hers one day. I’m sure the ring can’t wait for that moment to arrive either, for it must be very lonely in a dark safe, full of USB drives and boring documents. What fun is that for a girl’s best friend! For some time after the divorce I wore nothing, hoping the sun would erase the pale imprint left on my finger, and eventually it did.
So, I began my quest for the coveted position to grace my single finger once again. By then I had met someone, my boyfriend’s name was Mathew and he had surprised me with a trip for my birthday to St. Augustine. We walked all over town, holding hands, kissing at cross roads and taking pictures of one another. Suddenly a cute shop opened up to us like a mirage saving us from our long walk on a Florida summer’s day, and of course we walked in. While shopping around I felt the need to turn to the side as if cupid himself had poked me with his arrow, and there it was, THE RING. It wasn't real gold, not even gold plated, it read the word LOVE in cursive letters and it was the closest to little hearts in my bloodstream I had felt in a while. I bought it and put it on with excitement, joy I’m sure Mathew though was cute without grasping the depths of it.
That ring has been with me ever since, two breakups with Mathew, a few attempts to reconcile and our last breakup. The ring has been there for the bad and the good times with him. During the joyful times my fingers met very close with his. His soul‘s stories intertwined with mine.
It had been there for me also during the many auditions I went to as an aspiring actress, witnessing success but also rejection more often than I hoped for. At a fun commercial audition I went to, where I had to place ornaments on a Christmas tree, I heard a faint sound, like a pin hitting the ground in slow motion. I disregarded it since I thought it was an ornament falling. I didn't even think of looking down until I touched my finger while leaving the building, realizing the ring had left me. Immediately I thought of going back but something stopped me. It was time to let go, whoever finds it needs it more than I do now. I said my goodbyes to it with a big smile that filled my blood stream with little hearts, so little you can only see them with a microscope, beating as one if only for a second. The joy of a dream was born, but this time the promise of a happy ending didn’t come from a relationship or a ring, for the first time it came from within.
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