The What Ifs

I found them in an old filing cabinet. There it was, deep in my mind, surrounded by antiques and covered by a veil of dust. Hundreds of files full of what ifs. What if I would have not come to the US? What if I would have gone to New York instead of getting married? What if I had not met him? And there they are. Alternate endings actually do exist. In some dimension I am living in New York or still live in South America. I wonder why my mind keeps those files anyway. These alternate endings are a waste of time. They only exist to torture us if there is still a part of us that regrets the present. I don't. With a grateful heart I know I would not change a thing.

The files of what ifs are there just to remind you that those possibilities are still present and are very much attainable. OK, maybe I have no desire anymore to move to New York or go back to to live in my home town but the sentiment attached to those places are very much still desired by me. Home equals happiness and the idea of family. New York equals the type of success I once dreamed of. Those hopes still live within me no matter what age. And how about the what if I had not met him? I am sure life will give me a chance to meet someone I can write a new chapter with no what ifs. Because what was is exactly how it was meant to be and as long as I learned my lessons I wouldn't change one thing.

The Journey

    Acting season is over and disappointed I saw missed opportunities to work. I was getting used to the idea when out of the blue my agent called me to tell me I booked a job. It wasn't the job of my dreams but it gave me a taste of doing what I love again, if only for one day. I played a socialite that is in the market to buy a yacht with her husband. She is recently married and is in a hurry to have kids. He on the other hand is not in a hurry at all. Even though they both come from rich families she is money conscious and wants to stick to their budget, He goes with the flow and is willing to pay more for the yacht he falls in love with.

In my character's shoes I felt the joy of being in a relationship. This episode is not only about showing the couple's rich lifestyle but it is about compromising and seeing life through your other half’s glasses. I missed that feeling. I wanted to be there again, to accept someone with an open heart so you go beyond what makes sense to some. It’s important to put your fears to the side while you do this. I want to experience that, perhaps for the first time ever. Unlike my character I probably will get there without the expensive yacht but I want to set sail towards that journey. Sure there could be days where is sunny and warm but other days will prove your strength with high choppy seas. After all no one can predict the weather for sure and no one can predict where a relationship will head to. It is very important to get in that relationship boat knowing that not all days will be calm, being in love is knowing that even in rough seas what keeps you in dry land is allowing to ground yourself in one another in order to enjoy a smooth sail together once more.

Little Cuties Rescued from the Castles of Spain

    My ex-husband Sean and I decided to travel before planning on having a baby. This time Spain was on the horizon. We went to so many cities including Barcelona, Jaen, Seville, Madrid, all by car. It was a wonderful trip. We decided to stay in Paradores, hotels that were once castles, gorgeous pieces of architecture, full of history. The rooms were wonderful and each city was such a different castle and experience. The food and the service were superb as well. Like in every hotel they had tiny bottles of shampoo, conditioners and creams. These little bottles were particularly cute so I decided to take some from every Parador we stayed at. Needless to say at the end of our long trip I had a bag full of them. 

And so like every good or bad experience the end of our wonderful trip had arrived planting us at the end of the line of our airline counter to get back home. While in line a lady came with a list and asked each one of us for our passports. When it came to Sean it was no problem, out came the blue passport and the lady smiled. When it was my turn out came mine from a South American country and the lady looked at me and then her list. "I'm sorry, your country is in our list, follow me please and bring your luggage. You too sir." She said. We grabbed our bags and followed her. Sean shaking his head looked at me smiling. I smiled too; I knew he would tease me for this later on. We entered a room; a lot of people were waiting for their bags to be opened. Sean's turn came and they found nothing suspicious. My turn came and out came my stuff and with it a bag fell with little countless bottles spreading down the floor. Needless to say Sean could not control his laughter shaking his head again. I was blushing hoping for a portal to swallow me back home to Miami. The guy looked at me; sure he found no drugs, no threatening terrorist devices but boy he found a little sneaky thief. I said nothing to him, looking down the floor like a little school girl. Those tiny darn bottles got me in trouble, but they are so cute I couldn't resist. So now that I have my blue passport when I travel the world again I can take a few of the little bottles without fearing ending up in that same room again.

Oscar has left my bedroom

I have a poster in my room. It's of an Oscar statue next to a bunch of black and white pictures of famous Oscar winning movies From Casablanca to Forest Gump, movies we have all seen and loved. It's the first thing I see in the morning when I open my eyes and it inspires me to think that one day I could be up there holding a golden statue for a film I've written, produced or acted in. It serves as a daily reminder, like Jim Carrey and the check he carried in his wallet for a million dollars to his name way before he reached stardom.

Dreams are wonderful but if they prevent you from loving your life as it is now they could be those sneaky stealers of joy within. I remember my ex-husband Sean once telling me, "I am afraid that if you don't find some kind of success in acting you will never be happy." A dream should fill you with the joy of anticipation, success and better times to come. If your dream is preventing you to acknowledge the blessings in your life as it is now maybe it is time to re-think it. Not forget about it up but reorganize it in your mind and life to create space for more joy.

Today that poster is going down. Is not that I'm giving up on my dreams, not at all. But I am leaving behind the idea that I need that piece of the puzzle in order to be happy today. 

Let it Shine!

What's a good time to start dressing your age? Even if some people eagerly tell me "you can still pull it off;" I've asked myself that question after comments of other more sarcastic ones during the past decade. I love fashion and I want to keep on having fun with it hoping the fact that I am in my forties doesn’t prevent me from sending my RSVP to life’s trendy party. 

At one point in my life I wanted to study custom design for theater and I would dream of the day I could pick outfits for my characters. I wanted to show who they were right from the start, before the audience could even hear them say one word. Because first impressions are everlasting and this morning something peculiar made reflect upon that thought even more.

I was ready for work, making myself a quick breakfast while my preteen daughter watched one of her teen shows. There she was the pretty main character. Not a day older than 18, wearing my same outfit. Well, probably more expensive but pretty much the same. My daughter Amber said, "Look mom, she is wearing your outfit." I was ready to head out to face the world dressed like a teenager. I had no time for another fashion show so I decided to keep the look hoping I did not regret it.

To my surprise that day there was not one person who failed to compliment my outfit and how I looked. I wished so much I would have worn a more sophisticated one after seeing the teenage star on TV. But that day I did not feel sophisticated, I felt young and free. To me fashion is a way to express myself and how I dress is how I feel. So if lace, sheer and ruffles adorn me I most likely feel romantic and dreamy. And when you accept what you are within there is no way of hiding it. So now I say, no matter your age just let it shine!

Shoes: Vincent Camuto

Purse: A/X Armani Exchange

Skirt: Forever21

Blouse: Marshalls (Brand:Fire)

The Yin and the Yang

    When I was about seven years old I liked a boy that lived around my house. His name was Gio, he liked playing with my sister and I. One day armed with valor I sent my sister, who is three years older than me to ask him if he liked me. Gio replied he liked us both. "Both?" Asked my sister Fiorella terrified of her findings. "Yes!" He replied excited. It was the first time and the last a boy came between us.

My sister and I are best friends and we are a true compliment to one another. I was always shy and she was quite the opposite. I was not much of a good student while she thrived at school. I was sweet, she was funny, and still is. There was no envy between us though. I liked her light and always wished I could one day shine as bright as her. 

Years later destiny brought me to faraway lands and we were separated for the first time. I remember as a kid, if faced by a challenging situation I would always look at her to see her reaction; her actions dictated mine. She was my compass and I followed her through games and everyday life. When alone, in a strange land I had to follow my own beat. Build my own compass and create a north for myself to follow.

Destiny was kind and it grated me a gift; today my sister and I live in the same city and our daughters play together like we once did. The laughter, silliness and friendship continues now close again. We are like the yin and the yang. Energy that bounces back and forth and flows with ease. In his few years of life Gio was wise, because he knew in order to like one you had to like the other one.

The Mysteries Behind 11-11

The Mayan calendar was supposed to bring about the end of the world, the apocalypse finally reaching modern times. And although some believers prepared for it, just like Y2K nothing bad ever happened. It's been some years after the mark of the Mayan calendar and some say it was just the start of a new dawn. The era of enlightenment; in which we will awaken to our true divinity. Our life's purpose will feel clear connecting us to our higher self who will guide us straight to God with ease.

Many believe the symbol of this new dawn is the numbers 11-11. Why? Numerology perhaps? Metaphysics? Angels? I'm not sure yet. Maybe it's like a safe combination to the portal that is taking us to higher grounds. I decided to make my own investigation in order to come up with a medley of 11-11 messages that make sense to me. I consulted the books that had been present at different times in my life; The Bible, always there since my days in catholic school and The Course in Miracles, book that helped me forgive and move on during my divorce.

I grabbed the Old Testament first and looked at book 11, section 11. It talks about Solomon and the temptations of this world that make you stray from God. I did the same for the The New Testament and looked for book 11 but there was no section 11, so I counted the sections within the sections till I reached 11. What did it say? It talked about finding all your needs met in Christ while keeping a grateful heart. Last but not least The Course in Miracles. Chapter 11, section 11, talks about the Holy Spirit, who is the voice that guides you directly to God.

Without trying to impose my results to anyone, I will proceed to mix it all together to come up with a combination that works for me. I have to admit this is a strange experiment but I conclude that my combination to unlock enlightenment is the following: In a world full of temptation keep Christ in your heart with a grateful heart and although is not always easy don't worry there is help. The Holy Spirit, is here to guide us so we don't stray. I plan to use this combination in the hopes to unlock the wonderful mysteries of life. But I will be honest with you, if all answers were in front of me it would not be as exciting. The thrill lives in my quest to keep on being the scientist of the mind body and soul. Conducting strange experiments that I hope will one day unlock some of the mysteries and miracles that surround us every day.

Our Modern Day Super Hero

I was back at my old job and everything seemed surreal in a good way. The familiarity with the people I held dear grew deeper and it seemed as if I never left. I've been in love with fashion since little and during the days I studied fashion design working in a place like this was all I dreamed of. The unique line I work for combines both passions I love; fashion and art. Our dresses are all hand painted over sheer fabric. Making women all over the world walking pieces of art that accentuates their own beauty and uniqueness.

Back in the office and far from the runway we were having issues with our network. As it usually happens in a world were electronics are king we have become dependent on the modern day super hero; the IT GUY. Our hero is Frank. He is an all American boy, with blue eyes and blonde hair; he grew up in the mid-west eating mashed potatoes and fried chicken. Although he has lived in Miami for quite some time he brings an aura of the old fashioned world I have only seen in movies. Spreading it around with his hero cape.

Today, amongst other things our printer has lost connection to the server and in spite our efforts to reconnect it just did not worked. In the fashion world a color printer not working is a huge emergency. It was time to call our super hero again. Our office was full of girls and we all turn into Louise Lane when he arrives. We wait for him with a list in hand of issues with our computers, list that has been waiting for the day our hero lands. As we see him fix each problem like magic we all bat our eyes. Frank is cute but if he weren't we would still be in awe. Technology is a mystery to most and when you find someone who can fix it all, although you pay the price you still don't let that hero fly away.

Related story: Fashion vs. Film