My heart, not so much. He just doesn’t want to reason and feels a void that punches him at his core daily. The mind is looking for him to present a timeline of events of a disease progression that always ends up like this or an explanation of the afterlife based on spirituality and religion. My mind wants to simply throw some common sense at my heart. But my heart just won’t even see him, he refuses. Might be because it’s too soon, or he might never want to have that appointment with him. I fear he might even make it but won’t show up to it. I don’t know, I’ve never been here before so this is all very new.
I’ve seen my heart broken an unwilling to reason but a part of him always listened to the wise advice of the old mind even in its most painful state.
Not this time. We all know love rules the corridors of the heart and we know there is no age for a heart to accept the loss of a mother. The one who always holds your heart unconditionally, without any judgment. My heart doesn’t want to accept it, if it does then he might lose the place he goes daily and meets the memory of my mom's laughter, her smile, her warmth. So far he has been polite with the mind, now a days he is just hiding from him. Because a heart that hides from the mind feels free to remember, to mourn, to get lost in thoughts and that is exactly what he needs, without any explanations. I suspect in time the mind will get to him and put his pieces back together. But the cracks in between always leave gaps and I know those could never be filled completely again, even the mind knows that.
It’s ok, that’s the definition of a broken heart, the gaps are like hallways left there on purpose. A space where there will always be a void for my heart to meet the memory of my mom, just like he wants.
That void echoing tears will some day turn to smiles with memories of her laughter, sense of humor and kindness. The good old mind can relax because he knows a mom’s joy already lives inside the heart of her children, because a mom and her kids will always share the same heartbeat.
