A Tiny Little Door

Once upon a time there was a door, a little door in the middle of a hedge fence. It connected two houses, mine and my then husband Sean with his best friend's house. Sean was a contractor so when we moved next door to our friend's house it was a very easy task to rip out a section of the fence and replace it with a small door. The door was little and cute, like it belonged in a hobbit's home. 

That door was opened a lot. Back and forth we went to our friend's house for barbecues, super bowl parties, to jump in the pool or just to hang out. Today that door is gone. My current neighbor is replacing the fence and the new one will not include a door of course. 

And so with this tiny door many memories that were long gone came back knocking at my door. Memories of great times shared with good friends, most who I stopped seeing after the divorce. But still the good memories remain and they are of course linked to my ex and the simpler and mostly happy time we shared. Our young lives back then were defined by our friends, our family, the years shared and what we built together. Many years have passed since that chapter of my life was shut like an imaginary door. But life is the biggest contractor and it builds walls, tears down fences and places many other doors to open even if it's scary to walk through them. When I dared to do it there were gifts on the other side I could only dream of. To see my daughter blossom into an awesome person is one of them. Having the chance to meet a new kind of love few only experience once in a lifetime is another one. That was the most surprising gift this new door had waiting for me. 

And now a whole fence is gone and with it comes openness and clear vision of a whole new path of possibilities that still await.

Stories That Remain

The first thing people close to me used to ask me when I would tell them I was back with my ex-boyfriend Mathew, was, "What happened to the chef?" What happened to Drew, that's a good question. Drew went on a business trip that got extended and extended some more. The idea was to keep on seeing each other upon his return but destiny had other plans for us. We stopped messaging one another during his travels and without explanation things just ended in the most natural way.

By now time had passed and those months brought wonderful things I had not expected into bloom with Mathew. I hear from Drew here and there by text. With his typical exuberant excitement he lures me into replying, how could I not, his messages are full of humor no one can resist. Which had me thinking one day how I wished I could be friends with him. So I texted him and said, "Once you told me that even if we didn't make it you would want to remain friends. So I am here to cash that coupon." To what he quickly replied, "I would really love that." Drew and I had a bit of an explosive, I like you, I hate you relationship when we dated, mostly from my end and I presume it would have only grown more complex with time. But friendship is different and what was undeniable was that special connection we had. Between us a feeling of knowing each other forever always lured up in the air. It was like being with my long lost friend from pre-k again, the kind that pulls your pony tails and calls you names because he secretly likes you.

He was disappointed it didn't work out for us. "It sucks I was not ready for more." He excused himself recently, "I was still dealing with the aftermath of divorce when we met and had just broken up with my ex-girlfriend." Truth is I wasn't ready either, I still had feelings for Mathew throughout all the time we dated. "Well, now I will just have to admire you from afar." He said "We will always have the memory of the magical day we met." I said. He liked that since he said not very often he feels such a deep connection with someone he just meets. As far as the friendship, who knows if it will flow. Sometimes finding a keen connection with someone gives the illusion it should last forever. Life is teaching me it does not necessarily has to happen that way. Memories that eventually become a story is all that remains and since it was a special one, for now, it's just enough for me.