Larry, sweet, perfect and successful somehow found me more attractive and clever than I even believed myself. A talented photographer that got lost in the world of fashion and drugs during the eighties and had found a way to build his life back once more. His battle scars: two divorces and two grown kids that barely knew him and highly resented him at one point of their lives. He had paid the ultimate price what led him to become clean and sober long enough to have seen the love of his kids blossoming again for him.
Larry would show up at my door step for every date we had with a big bouquet of flowers. A big contrast to his cool urban look. He had lived fast and was not mesmerized by the flashing party lights anymore. He wanted to settle, he liked me and made no effort to hide it. It was all I ever wanted and asked for in love. Yet I felt like running to the hills as fast as my mind could take me. Dr. Steinberg says patterns like this are formed in childhood. I don't recall ever telling my parents after getting a present I had asked for months on my Christmas list, "mom, dad, thanks but no thanks. Even though this is the Barbie three story condo I've been writing on my wish list for years, after careful consideration I have decided I can't have it. I really want it but I am not ready for it. Please guard it safely until further notice from me."
Come to think of it I never got that Barbie three story condo. My dear friend from childhood Milly got it and I would always go to her house and look at it after we played. Sure I got a real beautiful mansion with lights that would beam from within, I'm not complaining but it was not Barbie's condo. Far away from memory land I let Larry go and I hope I don't regret it one day. Maybe the girl inside me should be happy with the wonderful doll house I got for Christmas instead of dreaming with the Barbie three story condo inside Milly's bedroom.
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