I was not ready to let go at least not yet. Drew and I had decided to try things again as soon as he came back from his business trip but as days went by I realized my chances were slim. He had not texted me or called during the whole trip. I had not reached out since I decided to give him some space to find out how he felt. His silence was clear coming from a guy that showered me with texts and calls daily. He was not the quiet type. I missed our conversations, sure most of them were very silly but I liked his humor and it always pulled a smile from me. I felt disappointed at myself. I replayed what I could have done differently so many times it was sickening. On one of those self-inflicted torturous nights I ordered Chinese which was the typical option when my daughter Amber was with my ex-husband and I was too depressed to cook.
After my meal it was time for my favorite part. At least I have my fortune cookie, I thought. I opened the noisy wrapping with excitement. What if it said “love is around the corner” or “he will call, don’t worry”. Not that I’ve ever seen a message like that but anything could happen. I cracked the cookie and to my surprise, there was no fortune. None! That had never happened to me in all my years eating Chinese. I was doomed; no fortune was the worst news. I took a pause to reflect. Or was it? What if no fortune is a blank slate, a new beginning, although this time it would be me calling the shots. I decided I was not going to let any outside event shape my fortune. I would give him time like I had decided but in the meantime I owed to myself to be happy being me. I might not be in charge of my destiny but at least I’m in control of how I react to it and that is exactly what I was planning to do. It was an exciting new dawn and I did not need a cookie to break the news to me.
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