I didn't mean to hurt Drew, I really end up hurting myself. I preached about letting go and yet when time came to do it myself I couldn't seem to shake off the past. I wanted to, so much but I just couldn't. Even after the mourning period is over one seems to hold on to the scars. Over the years they fade away but while visible there are constant reminders of what could happen.
I felt as if Drew was going to leave right from the start. Even though he used to tell me "I'm not your ex," my ego was certain he would eventually leave me. I treated him poorly at times I admit. It was as if I was watching the main character of a movie mess up without being able to do anything but change the channel and that's exactly what I did. I changed it abruptly at only 15 minutes from the start. I could not handle it. This time I really liked someone and it was too much to take.
I've been single for almost a year now and for the most part I've been alone but I did watched some good guys come and I let them go without getting attached. This time it was different, I got attached but I noticed it too late. He had been hurt as much as I was, forgiveness was not going to come easy from him. For the first time I had regret, the same kind my therapist Dr. Steinberg warned me about. I decided to give him time. People always say that if it is meant to be then it will. It sounded like a good plan except that is a mission with someone with little patience like me. How to turn regret into possibility? I was about to find out...
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